Reflecting on a Sabbatical: Part One

Journaled on Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Many have been asking me if I enjoyed my trip, or if we had a nice vacation. I can only answer with a "Yes." However, if I have time to speak with those who ask--I mean, if I have the time to sit down and look them in the eye long enough for each of us to see beyond the haze of cliche--then I can speak truth to them. The past three and one half months have been the most grueling and wonderfully transforming months I've ever lived.

I've never treated a journey with such reverence. I treasured each day of our recent sabbatical as a gift of life, not of place. So coming home has not seemed a desertion of pleasure, but a continuing of the sojourn. It has not been a disappointing return to the "same old." I have returned to a place I've never been. Same house, same job, same cars and dogs and bills. Different me.

I treasure the Italian apartment we called home for six weeks of our fourteen week, four-continent trip. But I don't long to be back there, in the way I have pined in times past for some surf-side beach chair. What Christ accomplished there, I am experiencing here, now, today--beside the fire in my home. And I benefitted from it earlier today as I encouraged a parishioner who is grieving, and yesterday in a nursing facility while ministering to a friend who has had yet another stroke.

The peace of Christ which is beyond understanding has worked in and through me. And that peace could not have been found on a three week vacation. It required entering daily into the mine of prayer. Daily, over the course of months. (This has not stopped). Finding peace required much confession and loving counsel. Peace was not gained like some loaf of bread to be picked up on aisle one. Peace emerged in tiny nuggets--minute, yet treasured fragments of authenticity and truth; extracted from massive boulder-sized frustration, selfish ambition, grief, and even some unknown resentment that I had been carefully and diligently sweeping under the rug of my psyche.

Spiritual work is not easy. And it cannot be hurried. The Lilly Endowment's Clergy Renewal Grant has provided me the time and the space to do the difficult work of sorting out my life and spirit. Fourteen weeks may seem a long time, but it was only after week thirteen, that I was ready for one more visit with my spiritual director. There I dropped my last anxieties of returning to ministry. I was ready: a new and centered man.

The global destinations we visited were spectacular. Some see them as the reason for the journey. They were not. They were only the setting of a journey of prayer and devotion. I traveled a far greater distance in my heart and head, than over land or sea.

Choosing prayer for all we're worth.

I think it is time I begin another theme or direction here. It was fun working with the idea of prayer as something that we avoid, even when we want to pursue it. Maybe fun isn't the word. Either way, it seems to me that prayer is tough work, and because of this truth, we often choose to avoid it. If we do what we enjoy and succeed at, then we also tend to avoid those things that make us feel inadequate.

So where does that leave us? What is your take on it? Do you avoid prayer for all you are worth? Or are you growing in prayer?

If I can take a paragraph or so to summarize, I think the beginning place that is most vital is the attitude of humility. Jesus said the pure in heart will see God, and humility seems the best route toward such purity. Following this, I mentioned a need for a place of prayer. No one seems to struggle with that. I think the practice of repeating prayers, especially the Jesus Prayer, the Lord's Prayer, and others is a practice that will help one deepen their prayer life. The use of a prayer rope is a tool that reminds us to pray, and that we are praying while we are in process.

The past several posts have come from this stream of thinking. I hope they have challenged at least someone to be more intentional about time in prayer.

This weekend I travel to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park, where my entire family and I plan to hike to Mt. LeConte and stay at the historic lodge on top. On Saturday, I will awaken on top of the world as I begin the celebration of my birthday. I'll try and post some pix here for you to enjoy this journey into the clouds.

Avoiding prayer for all we're worth: A six year old could do it.

I was with an old college buddy of mine this week and he told me a great story of a nighttime prayer with his grandson. The six year old prayed: "God would you make it so everyone does what I want?" And as his papa was leaving his room, the boy looked up from his bed smiling, and said: "I sure hope he answers that one!"

How often do we pray in order to ask for some blessing? Some have lists of things they are asking for. At other times, we pray in the crisis--"O God help!" Both of these prayers--asking for blessings and for help in troubled times--are proper praying. In these prayers we give direction to God. Bless this, help that, or send this or care for that.

But this week I've been thinking about another kind of prayer. In Acts 10 and 11, there is a telling and re-telling of a story. Simon Peter was praying, and so was a Roman soldier. And as they were praying, they received direction from God!

I am trying to learn to pray long and sincerely, without asking for anything but transformation. And I'm finding that often such transformation comes when I'm ready to obey in new ways.

Avoiding prayer for all worth: The Mystery Factor

I want to write a bit about mystery, and more specifically about God as mystery. Many of us dislike any sense of uncertainty or mystery when it comes to God. We want to be able to describe his ways perfectly. It is expected that with enough Bible Studies under our belt, we can move beyond mystery and into knowledge or certainty. People come to me asking very difficult theological questions, assuming that if one has studied long and hard enough, he can live beyond mystery--that she can give exacting answers to the most difficult of questions.

We want a definable God with definable ways.

Sorry to burst the bubble, but I'm afraid we don't have one of those.

When Abraham was called by God, he was invited to go to a place that he did not know. Abraham was invited into mysterious living. His calling wasn't to what he could see or understand, but into obedience in places and time when God would seem to make no sense. His marriage, his fatherhood, his role as an uncle and patriarch were in all ways confusing. Read his story in Genesis 12 and following, and tell me you think he perceived God as anything but mysterious.

But when we pray, we want to get right down to the facts. We will tell God how things are and then define the appropriate divine response. "Lord, you know so and so has these problems, and we ask you to take them away." We assume God will solve problems exactly as we imagine.

So when I repeat prayers in order to center myself in God's presence, those prayers are not of my own writing. They are however, very much from my heart and will. I pray, "Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me." for long periods of time, and then I come to the place where I feel comfortable switching to "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on ___________." And in the blank I insert a person or situation or church or whatever.

In our western way of thinking, if we are not independent to pray what we want and how we want, then our prayers are not authentic. I disagree.

Often in our evangelical protestant way of thinking, if prayers are memorized, they must be only empty ritual. Again I disagree. And I do so because I believe that God is mystery, "his paths beyond searching out." And my task in prayer is not to instruct him, but to humbly place myself before him...as in the prayer above. Or as in the "Lord's Prayer," with its phrase: "Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

Thoughts?

(Over the past couple of weeks I have been silent here. Our family lost a dear loved one, and we spent most of two weeks in California. I apologize for the lack of attention to this site, however, obviously my heart and attentions were rightly placed elsewhere.)

Avoiding prayer for all we're worth: Tools Part 2

WHY do we struggle to pray, and keep our mind focused?
We are so limited. God, the One with whom we try to relate in prayer, is so unlimited. That is why humility is a great place to start when praying.

In our limitedness, we prefer speaking to that which will respond. Other people can communicate with us in the simplest ways. We say words, they say words. We are even able to communicate with pets to some extent. Funny, we receive more of the response we desire when we speak in a huge empty room, and hear our own voice come echoing back at us. But what we desire (a verbal response to our praying) is not what we receive when we practice prayer.

Speaking to God can feel like speaking into a vacuum. And with the lack of audible feedback, it is tempting to move on to something else that we can do. We take different approaches to our short-lived prayers: At best, we assume prayer is only one way--me talking to God--and so we often practice one way communication. At worst, we fear we have failed in what others seem to accomplish with ease. And failure is a poor motivator for continued effort, so we despair and cease trying.

New paths to prayer
And so this is where the tools come in. In this post, I'll introduce the practice of repeating a simple centering prayer.

Let me deal first with your fears. The idea of repeating a prayer raises red flags with some of you. It sounds like a disobediance of Jesus' warning not to us vain repititions. And you should indeed hear and heed that warning. He is not interested in your mindless, empty repititions. However, remember we begin praying in humility. And a humble heart does not hope to manipulate God with some stream of meaningless words. I repeat prayers every day of my life. There are some I pray each morning and evening--for instance the "Lord's Prayer," (called the "Our Father" by some). And even though I pray it several times a day, each time I seek to draw my heart's sincere attention to praying His words.

Many of you will agree with all I've said, but not like the word "centering" at all! I don't like it much either, but I don't have a better one right now. Maybe you can offer one?

This kind of prayer is a memorized, short and repeated prayer used to focus your heart and attention on God. The Lord's Prayer can be employed in this way.

I'd like to ask you to practice using this tool. If you know the Lord's Prayer or the Jesus Prayer, try spending five or even ten minutes repeating one of them. Here is a version of the first if you do not have it memorized.

Our Father in Heaven, Holy is your name. May your Kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For yours is the Kingdom, and the power and the glory, forever. Amen.

And the second is one used by many needy people who approached Jesus: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me." (Some add the words "a sinner" to the end of this prayer.) As I pray this prayer, in order to keep it "real," I will occasionally drop and add some words, as I go along. After you have quieted your mind into this prayer, you can also begin changing the "me" to the name of a person or situation or church...or whatever you are praying for. Just keep yourself humble in the process.

Keep these things in mind!
-This is not a race to try and say the words quickly. Your goal is to desire the prayer to be true.
-Your mind will wonder, if so, gently bring your attention back to the text and begin again. The more you practice, the easier this will become.
-Don't be dismayed if you struggle at first. With practice you will come near to God, and sense the ability to remain in him.

Paul tells us to "pray without ceasing." Do you? This tool will help you move in this direction--in God's direction.

Next time: a tool used by millions, distrusted or hated by many, but helpful to me.