Mud-hiking into the snow

I took time before my last meetings of Thursday to do a quick hike in the hills. Mud sucked at the heels of my boots. A valley lake was blanketed in ice-turned-mush. If I hadn't watched the weather reports, I would have thought spring was beginning its thaw.

Yesterday, my day off, I made it two days in a row in the woods. The thermometer had not yet succumbed to the freezing mark. Having forgotten my trekking poles, I searched the sides of the trail until within the first mile, I'd found two downed branches--perfectly flexible and tough at the same time. My gloves soon soaked through with the snow and rain that saturated them.

I had layered well, and the rain proof outer layer worked perfectly...excepting my boots, which needed another coat of water-proofing. So I walked through a mixture of wet snow and rain, the dark sky unable to make up its mind. My toes were damp, but I decided to ignore them. The boots were warm, and my spirits were warming.

I'm beginning to think I need to be in the hills everyday, even though that is impossible. Time spent there multiplies the effectiveness of my working hours, and the pleasure of my day off. A friend once told me that our physical stress levels should match our mental ones. That makes a lot of sense, and explains why so many teach exercise as a stress reducer.

While meandering in and out of valleys and up the sides of slick hills, I sense a stillness I rarely enjoy. The world was still, and yesterday--with a storm imminent--even the skittering squirrels must have been hunkered-down. I took a couple of opportunities to stop in trail-side shelters to pause in their dryness. I found myself fighting guilt for just enjoying the view. Then I settled further into the gift of the hike and took it all in, relishing a gift that only I was opening.

When I arrived at the trail yesterday, I was in a foul mood. I should be ashamed, but must admit my self-pity. I'd forgotten my poles, the rain was steady and the snow that had already accumulated on yesterday's mud was--well, it wasn't all that inviting. But after a few gurgling streams, and allowing myself the arrival tantrum, I was able to smile--glad that you could not see me, and realizing that the ONE who did see me, still loved and embraced me in that place.

It took longer than normal to cover the distance I walked yesterday. I stood and watched rain turn to snow and snow to rain, allowing it to drip off of my hat and into my eyes. And I asked God to wash them of the selfishness that resents difficulty.

This week I've read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life, by Donald Miller. And last night I started (and this afternoon should finish) Chasing Francis by Ian Morgan Cron. Both of these are instructing me about various aspects of my very blessed life...and how I can make my story a little less selfish and a lot more meaningful to others.

Today I will read, work on my Sunday teaching, handle an administrative task or two and call on a few hurting people. And sometime this afternoon, I hope to put on my boots (that dried by the fire last night and now have a fresh coat of water proofing), and head into the much deeper snow, covering a much colder earth. I hope to listen to the places where tiny streams have not yet submitted to the freeze. I plan to sit down by the lake and see if the snow is mush on the surface, or if the water has refrozen and supports the white blanket just as the earth around it. I will revel in the snow clinging on dark branches that define the horizon in every direction. And I hope in some way the ONE who sees me and knows me, will prepare me to be a better shepherd for the people I love and spend my life with. (I have some pix from the hike if you care to see.)

Grace and peace to you.
David

Getting a Little Spooked About Publishing

This is weird! Now that the publication of The Runaway Pastor is imminent, more and more things are spooking me. Like a text message I got last night from a mother in our congregation. It went something like this: My daughter (fifth grade) wants to read your book when I get it. What should I tell her? And then there is this, how would you explain to the congregation you have pastored for more than 10 years, that you are having a book published about a pastor who runs from his wife and congregation?

Now you see what I'm thinking. Maybe you have all along. But for every one hundred parts of me that are excited about The Runaway Pastor coming out, there is one little part that is cowering a bit.

So why, so many people are asking me, did you write it?

When I sat down to write this book, I had recently counseled with a successful business owner who had indeed run across three states before turning his pickup and stuffed wallet back toward home and his family. An unmistakable pattern was developing in my conversations with hurting pastors: Several confessed a similar desire to get in their car and drive as far as their savings would take them. The Runaway Pastor was a desperate attempt to empty myself of the question, “What if?”

This pastor/author is convinced that an over emphasis of the business model in the Church has destroyed the ministry of thousands of pastors who were gifted as shepherd-teachers, but not as corporate executives. I hope The Runaway Pastor will provide a glimmer of hope to those already shoved to the sidelines. And perhaps it will encourage some who remain in the fray to be true to their gifts and their families, and as a result find themselves being true to their God.

As some of you know, I was also inspired to write after experiencing burnout. Trying to meet the expectations of too many people led me down the road to exhaustion and despair. I wrote in some measure, for therapy.

Another question people are asking is: "Hey, this guy in your book comes around and does it all right again, doesn't he???" I'll let you decide on that one.

Here is one more invitation for "followers" at this site. Your presence is so encouraging and there are some days when the above questions come up, that I am encouraged to know you are beside me.

Peace to you. It won't be long!

The Runaway Pastor: The "Autobiography Question"

As we get nearer the publication date of The Runaway Pastor, I continue to receive many questions about the book and it's topic. I'm excited about the interest, and grateful for the curiosity. Almost every day a new reader writes to me and expresses excitement about the book.

There are two primary issues that are faced in this book, and they both regard vows taken by Trent Atkins: Vows to marriage and vows to ministry. Will Trent and Natalie's marriage be saved? Will Trent's ministry be restored? In The Runaway Pastor, we see him run from these vows, then make choices regarding both of them. These are the issues I hope readers will deal with. My publisher plans an online study guide to lead reader groups through them. Both issues matter in our times.

Many still ask how much of The Runaway Pastor is autobiographical. My best answer is: None, and much of it. None, because I am not Trent Atkins. I've never run across the country or hidden from my wife or a congregation I pastored. Natalie Atkins is not my wife. My wife and I are still happily tucked into our early 1800's log cabin in the hills of Brown County, Indiana.

Much of this book is written however, because I have felt many of the things that Trent experienced before his run. I would definitely say I am not cut out for modern ministry. I love to shepherd, teach and care for a community. But I am not a CEO, CFO or savvy administrator. I have much passion for connecting unconnected people to Jesus; but I have zero passion to grow a mega-church.

And, I have met many Trents. Throughout my ministry other pastors have shared with me their thoughts of quitting, and I remember one particular conversation with a church leader who spoke to me of his earlier years when he would dream of "getting into my car and driving as far as [my] savings would allow." According to several authorities, hundreds (many cite about 1,500) pastors in North America leave the ministry (before retirement) for the last time each month.

That is my best shot at an answer to the questions about autobiography. It will be interesting to see how people respond to the completion of The Runaway Pastor. I have people cheering for a yes on one of the vows and a no on another. Others wanting both outcomes to be yes, and others wanting Trent to just stay tucked away in Southern California, working with his crew and settling with Kim.

Reminder: FREE chapters of The Runaway Pastor

I had a great conversation with an old friend this morning. We hadn't spoken in a while, and she was surprised to know that I had written a book, and have another on the way. I told her about this site, and the free chapters available here from The Runaway Pastor. I mentioned to her that just about every day someone new goes to the link to read the initial chapters of the book. A few hundred people, groups and families have done so thus far.

Well, I want to do a little self promotion here, and ask you to let someone know about the link for these free chapters today. If you know of someone that might relate to The Runaway Pastor, send them the link to this blog http://www.runawaypastor.com or to the first seven chapters of The Runaway Pastor.

Soon I hope to be announcing the publishing of the book, and I'm not sure if these free pages will have to be taken down, or if I may even be able to add more.

Either way I'm excited to take those next steps, and I'd like to have a feel for how many people out there are waiting to get a copy of the published product. It helps if those interested let me know. Many have, but there are downloads happenning in most states and several countries. If you are one of those that have not communicated with me, hop on as a follower, or send me an email. I'd love to hear your comments.

And once again, I want to thank you for taking a look into the lives of many discouraged people who are pastors. Remind your pastor that you appreciate them, and try and stay attuned to the struggles they face that might make them want to run away. The book paints the picture which so many pastors have shared with me over time.

Grace and peace to you and to all who go by the name "Pastor."