It may sound a little weird, but I want to say that I love you. I sense you aren't ready to hear that yet, and I'm sure you'll never read these words--let alone believe them if you did. No matter how little you think of yourself (and I can tell by the way you act that this is very little), the One who made you thinks you are amazing.
You've slipped into church a couple of times now. You come late and you leave early so no one will bother trying to speak to you. You can't smile, but I see you try. You can't believe things will be better (whatever it is that is wrong), but you come hoping. You can't help the shadow that darkens your dreams.
I hope that somewhere in our words or music or smiles you sense how loved you are. I fear you might not.
Whoever you are, whatever your name is, please know that you are loved.
Grace and peace to you...